In a recent article in Fortune Magazine (January 18, 2010) there is a sad, disturbing story about a billionaire who has a pattern of battling with his “exes” in court; ex-employees, ex-associates, and especially ex-wives (there are four of them to date).

A pattern is a behavior that repeats and repeats in many different situations. It is one of the biggest traps in both personal and professional life. The persecutor pattern is one where a seemingly strong individual points fingers of blame and will do what ever it takes to get his/her way and make others feel insignificant. It often comes from a legacy of persecution handed from generation to generation.

Think of the school yard bully or the boss who rants and raves when things at work do not go well. Think of the dictators, Hitler, Stalin, and Kim Jong-Il, who beat down their citizens. In their cases and in most persecutor histories, there is a family legacy where they or those in their families were abused – often physically, always emotionally.

Here is the subtle part of strong-arm persecutors; they will take on anyone who may seemingly be a threat and hope to nail them to the ground before the other can become a threat to them. It is a common theme; the abused become the abusers.

In “Don’t Bring It to Work”, you can learn more about how these disruptive patterns suck up energy and money, waste time and cause long term conflicts. There are tips and tools to help you, so you won’t get caught in the trap of pattern repetition like Perelman.

Perelman, the big Revlon mucky muck who has vast holdings in many companies, is not a leader to emulate. He is not one to teach positive ways of conflict resolution. He is one to learn from by watching how he behaves with people and how NOT to be in relationships. He has a persecutor personality, one usually referred to as a bully, a mean spirited man who will win at any cost.

The only place he seems to have a mutual enjoyment in relationships is with lawyers. These guys rake in millions from Ron’s feisty fights.

What struck me in the Fortune article is the fact that money in Perelman’s hands means power, and power means destroying others. It is a pattern, not of righting wrongs; it is one of gaining the upper hand. That is the power of the abused becoming abusers, the kind of power dictators have used for centuries.

The article puts the main spotlight on Perelman’s feud with his second wife’s family. The daughter of this union, Samantha, is an eighteen year old who when quoted, seems to be mouthing sound bites straight from the script of her father’s lawyers.

The fight, on the surface, is about who gets the largest pot of gold. Yet, in Samantha’s words, “The lawsuit in no way stands to enrich my father. Instead it stands to protect my mother’s legacy…” Looking closely, albeit from the outside, it appears the real fight is about love, and loyalty. Who will fight the bigger and better fight for this girl emerging into womanhood? The amounts of money are staggering; money, however, only deflects the deeper issues.

Her mother died from cancer and one of the main requests of her then ex-husband was to allow Samantha to have liberal visitation with her parents and brother. Before she died, she stressed that these relationships were extremely important to her.

As I read the article I wondered if Ronald Perelman felt no one ever stood up for him as a child. I thought about the obvious, yet unsaid emotional disconnects that must be in his life. Was it from the strict father the article says he had, or elsewhere? I wonder what would happen if he had the ability to look the persecutor pattern square in the face and see how he keeps using power to win over others; same theme, different setting.

Einstein once said that the best definition of insanity is repeating the same behavior over and over and expecting different results. Maybe instead of lawyers getting the bounty, Perelman, and the rest of the family could look into the deeper issues that are at play and find a way to leave a legacy from her mother for Samantha that will matter well past dollars in a trust fund.

http://www.sylvialafair.com; http://www.ceoptions.com

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When you’re down and out, or at least down for the count, what do you do?

Think about it for a moment – everyone’s been there. What do you do when it’s not coming up roses? How do you show your sadness, anger, or fear?

As a society, we have not done a good job of preparing ourselves for the bad times. We spend hours practicing the right way to throw a baseball, swing a golf club, and stay straight on a balance beam. Yet, how many of us set time aside to simulate a job loss or the failure of a key project? We could learn so much by some resourcefulness training where we could take frightening situations and play out worst-case scenarios and notice how we would respond. They do that to plan for trips to the moon. Why not for trips to the office?

Why put a damper on the day? Well maybe it’s the other way around, the day may well put a damper on us. Without knowing what to do when our fear and sadness buttons are pushed, we often revert back to childhood patterns of response and never find grown up ways of handling what is in front of us.

In my book, “Don’t Bring It to Work”, there are 13 patterns that are prevalent in every workplace in the world. They are the patterns of behavior we learned when we were still in diapers and perfected as our baby teeth gave way to molars and wisdom teeth. They became so much a part of us we stopped knowing what we were doing – it is what is called “becoming unconsciously competent”.

Think of it this way. Remember when you learned to tie your shoes. There were lots of funny hand gestures to get the darn laces to become bows that would link together. Remember how good it felt when you could tie your shoes without even thinking about it? That is you becoming competent at an unconscious level so you don’t even have to think about it.

Same thing as you learned to play your role in your family. Someone becomes the super achiever to make the family proud. Someone else becomes the rebel who is there to stand for right and justice if the family was ever put upon by those who stood for polarization and exclusion. Then there are the procrastinators who learned to play it safe and not get work finished because of fear of failure. Some of us became pleasers, afraid to say no or take a stand, and then there are the avoiders who run from conflict like a rabbit with a tiger after it.

Leaders are in a difficult position when it comes to the downside of the work day. Leaders are meant to be strong, competent, available, reliable, and fearless. So, as one CEO of a company told me, he was so ashamed that the project he had spearheaded had failed miserably and put the company at risk, he had lunch delivered to his office so he would not have to face any of his staff in the cafeteria. His voice became a whisper when he said he would cry into his pillow at night to muffle the sounds so his wife would not hear him.

And a woman entrepreneur who had won award after award for her creativity in the hospitality industry mused “How would all my colleagues handle the fact that I have screaming arguments with my husband as a stress reducer when all he often says is “Here is how I would handle the situation”?

So here are some tactics to help you get through the dark times:

•Find a talking partner and verbalize your fears. It will make them seem either smaller or less intense once you can talk about them. That is the truth. Once said, it stops the amygdale, the older part of the brain where fear is registered from moving you into fight, flight, or freeze.

•Get a journal and write out the worst-case scenarios. Then take the pieces of paper and throw them away, tear them up, crumple them, or get a bowl and burn them. This simple ritual helps you make more room in your brain for creative solutions to occur.

•Practice deep breathing at least three times a day: The 7/ 7/ 7/ 7 method where you breathe in through your nose to the count of 7; hold your breath to put more oxygen in your system to the count of 7; breathe out through your mouth to the count of 7; hold your breath to empty to the count of 7 and do this 7 times.

•Visualize yourself as a tall tree with roots deep into the ground. That will give you a sense of steadiness so that when the winds blow and the rains pound, you will stay strong and rooted. Don’t believe this works? Put your arms out in front of you and ask someone to push your arms down. I bet you will be stronger when you are visualizing the tree image than when you are just standing there.

•Here are some quotations to put in your office or as refrigerator art: “Failure is not fatal, but failure to change might be”; “Be more concerned with your character than your reputation, character is what you really are”. They help keep you centered.

In the eastern philosophies they talk about “feeding the hungry ghost”. That means putting lots of energy into what, in our “Total Leadership Connections” program, we call the “Knots” that tie us up as in “am not, cannot, have not, will not, and not like me”.

Remember, most of our greatest learning comes from the tough times rather than sitting around a swimming pool sipping margaritas. So talk, write, breathe, visualize, quote – you will be more prepared to handle what lies in front of you with more verve and style, and be the type of leader you would want to hang around with in the good times.

http://sylvialafair.com

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The word ‘Covert’ when associated with the word ‘Hypnosis” conveys the impression that something black hat is being referred to and that a person possessing the art can use it in a profitable yet harmful way. Nothing can be further from the truth. The clear and universally accepted definition of covert hypnosis is that it is simply the ability to subtly communicate with another person’s subconscious mind without them noticing. Covert Hypnosis is the utilization of techniques and strategies to change the perception and behavior of others in a completely unconscious way. The optimal applications for covert hypnosis are in the fields of selling, advertising, marketing, relationships and therapy.

A somewhat modified definition of Covert hypnosis is that it deals with the ability of a person to communicate with the subconscious mind of another person. This ability to communicate with the subconscious mind can be done without the other person noticing it. Covert hypnosis is reliant on this first crucial step in order to gain some form of trust.

After a form of affinity has been established, a counteractive idea is proposed in the form of a distraction. Covert Hypnosis is a way of using naturally occurring language patterns and non verbal cues to create these effects

Let me expand on this with a simple example. You walk in to a department store with no real intention of purchasing something specific. The sales person approaches you and makes a general remark, about the weather for example, and before long you are in a conversation. Before you know it you are describing something that you were thinking of getting. Shortly after you are leaving the store with purchases you never intended to get in the first place. Does this sound familiar? That was covert hypnosis in action by the salesperson. In fact covert hypnosis is also known as ‘conversational hypnosis’. The objective is to change the intended behaviour – a sales person, for example, telling the client how good she will feel buying the new product. An intentional use of carefully selected words, body language, intentional gestures that seem commonplace (pointing in a certain direction) and facial expressions (a frown to the buyer to convey the unspoken opinion that she is making a mistake) in order to covertly communicate with someone’s subconscious mind. The final objective is to have the person make his own decision to change his mind.

Covert hypnosis is in effect a form of indirect hypnotism in that it seeks to achieve near hypnotic states in the listener (sometimes called “sleight of mouth”). The subject is unaware that the hypnotist is either a hypnotising him, or that anything out of the ordinary is occurring as it often takes place in the course of a seemingly regular conversation. Covert hypnosis also used in writing. This requires the active participation of the reader to have any effect. The reader must become caught up in the narrative. Just think of all those well crafted sales letters you have read which had you reaching for your Credit Card long before you completed your reading!

Many orators who leave their audiences spellbound are themselves covert hypnotists. They may not describe themselves as such but they are quite aware of the power of their words and the impact which their words have on their respective audiences. Martin Luther King, the Mahatma and Nelson Mandela were persons who held their audiences transfixed when they spoke and often moved them to collective mass action through their process of communication. Just a year ago there were a number of black hat publications positing that as a Presidential candidate Barack Obama had mastered the art of covert hypnotism resulting in his successful cross country campaigns. The publications were intended to shed a negative light on his campaign. This was clearly a politically motivated attempt to divert attention from what is a positive trait that all mankind already possesses to some degree and which the vast majority of us would wish to be a conscious part of our daily lives. Imagine trying to haggle with a car salesman. It would be pretty difficult if you did not know anything about covert hypnosis!

The optimal applications for covert hypnosis are in the fields of selling, advertising, marketing, relationships and therapy. It is worth repeating that Covert hypnosis has nothing to do with inappropriate activity or being corrupt. Instead, it is merely a type of hypnosis that is used by all of us to some degree to have some bearing on a conversation. Covert Hypnosis is a very good and easy way to get what you want. Most people use this type of hypnosis to regain control of their life. As such it is an art form which all of us should seek to nurture and develop.

Rudy Collins is a Consultant on issues of Human and Social Development. He also writes informative articles on profitable niches. For more information on how you can learn the secrets of covert hypnotism visit: Covert hypnosis

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As a global security expert, Jordan Frankel honed his talent in safeguarding homeowners from burglaries and home invasions by using a combination of imagination, street smarts and a love of all things security. In his teens, he was already helping local retailers prevent burglaries and costly vandalism. Remember: at a time when his peers were working minimum wage jobs and still collecting a weekly allowance, Jordan was entrusted to devise techniques to frustrate would-be criminals. Not bad for a high school student who soon considered police officers and local merchants among his friends and clients.

At twenty-two, this young security professional and entrepreneur purchased the large retail store where he once stocked shelves. Jordan’s love for security would eventually bring him overseas where he discovered (and later innovated) new materials that would dramatically reduce break-ins from even the most determined and violent thieves. Hence the inspiration for ShatterGARD , the first in a series of commercially and critically acclaimed window protection films that he created to defend homeowners from the very real threat of burglaries, car theft and storms that confronted residents yearly.

Many of Jordan’s discoveries find their roots in his dedication to helping others, someone whose job involves thinking out of the box while being prepared for the unexpected. After the tragic events of 9/11, Jordan sought to make security a proven, reliable and affordable reality for the masses worldwide. In fact, Jordan is one of a handful of security professionals who transformed residential and commercial security into a practical investment for millions of homeowners and businesses. By doing so allowing him to apply his vast arsenal of skills, which are normally reserved for the super wealthy – Jordan’s passion for cost-effective security now gives millions of consumers the peace of mind they deserve.

Jordan’s newest patent pending invention, the OnGARD Security Door Brace, represents this commitment to personal protection. The result of several years of research and consumer feedback, this product confronts one of the most serious threats for individuals or families today: home invasion. With the ability to withstand multiple kicks or shoulder slams from a 250-pound intruder, the OnGARD Security Door Brace is Jordan’s investment in our nation’s families; his immediate goal is to design novel security products that defend the middle class from deadly home invasions and burglaries.

Jordan’s ability to outsmart the proverbial bad guys coupled with his commitment to making security an affordable reality for all consumers is the reason behind his international success. A global security expert who is a recognized member of the American Society for Industrial Security and the International Association for Counter-terrorism & Security, Jordan designs security solutions everyone can afford, and more importantly, makes security a subject that we can all understand and value.

Society for Industrial Security and the International Association for Counter-terrorism & Security, Jordan designs security solutions everyone can afford, and more importantly, makes security a subject that we can all understand and value. For more information, please visit http://www.Globalsecurityexperts.com.

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Symbols are objects or pictures that represent a much larger idea. Symbols have played a significant role throughout history in how ideas become and influence our culture. It has been said that symbols represent and communicate who we are and what we value as a society.

No matter where you live on this great earth—when one sees the five intertwined rings we think of the Olympics. And wherever we live in this world and see steeples we observe it as a place to worship. So how did these symbols become universal?

The Olympic rings and flag were designed after the 1912 Olympic Games in Stockholm. This was the first Olympic Games that participants from all five continents competed. This represented a union of the five original major continents, Africa, America, Asia, Australia and Europe.

Thus the five interlocking rings stand for the five continents and the color of the rings symbolic of the national flags in the world. The six colors being black, blue, green, red, yellow on a white background. At least one of these colors is on every national flag in the world. The flag and rings symbolizing the universality of the Olympics.

Wikipedia describes a steeple, in architecture, is a tall tower on a building, often topped by a spire. Steeples are a universal symbol on Christian churches and cathedrals and the use of the term generally connotes a religious structure.

Buildings with “pointy tops” trace back as far as architecture itself. Since the inhabitants of Babel erected a tower to “reach to the heavens,” nations have followed and built structures that point upward.

Ancient cultures have shared the conviction that God and heaven are up. This can be seen in the upward design of the pyramids designed by the Egyptians.

Towers became part of Churches around 600AD being adapted from military watch towers. Originally they were separate structures that became integrated into the church building and capped with more elaborate roofs that resulted into the steeple which we recognize today.

The steeple is the only surviving external architecture accent the puritans would allow to remain in the design of American church buildings.

The symbol most recognized on churches old and new is the steeple, often built with bells in the upper portion, providing the finishing touch. In early times these bells served a variety of purposes; called worshipers to service, summon citizens for special announcements or emergencies.

In terms of size and shape, steeples vary depending on the architecture of the buildings they are placed upon. But even in their variety, steeples still serve their traditional purpose—to guide people’s eyes toward the heavens.

Character and integrity embodies tradition and universal symbols. While styles are continually changing, the symbols of the five intertwined rings for the Olympics, and the steeples continue to mark a place of a house of worship. They are unlikely to change. The elegant design and ideas have influenced our culture. These symbols speak volumes about the values and priorities of our forefathers.

Elda Titus, owner Prairie Rose Country, an on-line business, specializing in top quality, unique, louvered, window or custom made cupolas. Cupolas that can be modified into steeples as an add on or integrated into the design of your building. Check out steeples @ => http://prairierosecountry.com

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