Cannabis news is always cropping up in the papers and online. Whether it’s the latest MP venting their opinion on the dangers of the drug, before admitting they used to take it or a celebrity busted by police over possession, it’s pretty hard to avoid. Then there are the oddities – the marijuana stories which are funny, strange or just plain weird. Here are the best from the last few years:

California introduces Pot Vending Machines

Before you all pack your bags and head over the Atlantic, I should point out that it’s strictly for people with a medical prescription to use marijuana as part of their healthcare – and there are safeguards in place to prevent non-prescribed folks from using it. Patients will be required to provide their prescription, give a fingerprint and then have their photo taken.

This cannabis news remains controversial because although medical marijuana is legal in some states, the federal government does not recognise its medicinal properties.

Utah Teenager Reports Pot Theft to Police

This is one of those marijuana stories that make you appreciate just how some stupid some people can be. Not only did an 18 year old burglar report his stolen cannabis to police, but he accepted an invitation to come in and identify the stash when the robber was caught. No sooner had he confirmed the marijuana was his, then he was arrested and charged on possession with intent to supply.

Sniffer Dog Fails to Find Planted Pot

After planting some marijuana in a customer’s luggage to train a new sniffer dog, customs officials were left embarrassed when this cannabis news story hit the headlines: the mutt failed to find the goods! The mistake, combined with the custom officer’s failure to recall which bag he’d put it in, meant that one passenger left with a free cannabis gift in their luggage. A spokesman for the airport’s customs’ office made a plea for its return: “If by some chance passengers find it in their suitcase, we’re asking them to return it.”

Burglars and Police Raid House at the Same Time

One of the most unlikely marijuana stories in this list: Two Australian burglars broke into a house being used to grow hydroponic cannabis only to discover it was full of police officers raiding the place to search for drugs! The burglars fled, but were caught a few days later by police.

Pot Smoker Reports Dealer to Police over “Bad Weed”

A 52 year old Darmstadt cannabis smoker was arrested for the possession of illegal substances after reporting his dealer to the police for selling him some “completely un-enjoyable” marijuana. The cannabis news article explains that the man had previously taken it up with the dealer directly, who refused to issue him a refund of the £270 he had paid for the drugs. Upon taking his “fraud” allegations with police, he was charged for his crime, despite the “absolutely mediocre quality” of the drugs involved.

Cannabis Plants Cause Police Station Closure

Billericay police station in Essex needed to be evacuated after the stench of confiscated cannabis plants became overpowering. 150 seedlings and mature plants grown from cannabis seeds had been seized from the home of a pro-cannabis campaigner and were kept in the station’s cell, where their strong odour swept through the whole building. One source said “The smell even filtered into the public reception area and people might have got the wrong idea.”

Rock Star Charged with Wanting to Smoke Marijuana…in 1994

An Argentine rock star was charged with informing spectators that he felt like smoking a joint – a decade after the cannabis news story broke. In November 1994, Andres Calamaro told 100,000 fans in La Plata: “I feel so good that I could smoke a joint”. Attempts were made by morally offended parents to bring charges against the rock star, but these were dismissed by the judge in 1995. A decade later a less liberal judge was found, and the case was reopened for the musician, then 43.

Cannabis Smoker Celebrates 120th Birthday

A 120 year old Indian woman living with her 92 year old daughter and 72 year old grandson is baffled by her longevity: “I don’t know how I’ve survived so long. Many relatives much younger than me have died”. One theory suggests it’s her habitual drug use. According to the Sun, the 120 year old Fulla Nayak smokes cannabis cigars and drinks strong palm wine, and this could be the secret of her success.

Paul Delorde is the managing director of Sensible Seeds. Based in the UK, the company sells souvenir cannabis seeds and informational books on cannabis to customers all over the world.

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Most boaters know the difference between WMDs (weapons of mass destruction) and MSDs (marine sanitation devices). Congress on the other hand seems to spend as much time regulating MSDs as they do looking for WMDs. A recent article in BoatU.S. Magazine suggests that “the universal pumpout symbol is not generally recognized by boaters.” This may be because there aren’t that many of these signs and many of the signs are in front of pumpout stations that don’t work. I visited the website: marinepumpouts.com and found that there were no listings for Florida. Obviously, there are some in Florida and the website needs to be updated.

As a past member of the Hallandale Beach Marine Advisory Committee, I was privy to the plans for the new city marina. The plans called for a pumpout station located in an inaccessible corner of a dead end canal. I suggested a more accessible location. The city representative was shocked and stated “Then, everyone would use it.” I was stupefied. The marina is still not built and may never be, as the permits are stuck in a bureaucratic quagmire; much of it over sea grass or some other fish and wildlife issue.

There are about 13 million boats in the USA. This translates to at least 30 million boaters. Shouldn’t we humans get our own department? The Fish and Wildlife Service (FWS) regulates many boating issues. However, the FWS is only concerned about Fish and Wildlife. Truth be known they would probably be happy if there were no boats to mess up their environment. If the Fish and Wildlife folks are really concerned about the water quality, whatever their motive is, then there should be no marina that does not have a working pumpout facility.

My condo marina does not have a pumpout facility. Several years ago, I was falsely accused of “dumping my head” at the marina. The dockmaster, who didn’t like me, had led the condo board astray. Most of the board had never even visited the marina, let alone knew what an MSD was. Without any evidence to support the allegations, the manager sent out a certified letter informing me that I had violated several sections of the condo documents, Florida Statutes, Federal EPA regulations and the RICO Act. One of the board members approached me several weeks later and said that he had read the reports and didn’t understand why I would “stick my head in the water” at the marina. He now knows the difference between my head and a marine head.

It is legal to dump your head in the ocean if you are at least three miles from shore. The Florida Keys are an exception. The Keys are a No Discharge Zone. On a trip with my yacht club several years ago to Key West we could not find a functioning pumpout at any of the marinas we visited. When we arrived at Key West, we were all able to pumpout with the city’s mobile pumpout boat. The Galleon, an otherwise beautiful marina, had no pumpout and the marina next door had one that didn’t work.

I think it’s about time to revive CEPTIA, the Committee to End Pay Toilets In America. In the mid 70’s, CEPTIA was successful in banning pay toilets in Florida and many other states in the USA.

As CEPTIA is probably defunct, I propose a new organization to be called CRAP, the Committee for Readily Accessible Pumpouts. I call on all boaters to support CRAP. Write your representatives and demand that they listen to our CRAP. We want free pumpouts at all marinas. We will also lobby for cheaper biodegradable toilet paper. If the Federal Government can subsidize farmers, why not toilet paper? I’m sure you can imagine life without summer squash. But, can you imagine life without toilet paper? It’s about time for all boaters to get off the pot and take action. I also call on the eight million RV owners to support CRAP as they face some of the same issues.

If you would like to join the grass roots movement and support CRAP, contact the author. Sheryl Crow’s recommendation to use one sheet is not the answer to this problem. We need free pumpouts and cheap paper.

Bob E Sherman, a Miami Hurricane, is a columnist for the Waterfront News and the author of the book Am I the Only One That Signals? Listen and learn at http://www.bobesherman.com

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This society’s penchant for personal branding and individuality has lead to complications. When you do not want to be identified, you will be and when you desire anonymity, you will gain notoriety.

Unlike clothes, you cannot disown a personalized business card holder with business cards in it! So what happens when your business card holder is found in these places and everybody you know teases and confronts you about it?

Sleazy Motels

Sometimes, but hopefully not often, you will stay in a roadside motel with a reputation for being a lovers’ nest, a prostitutes’ haven, and a brothel front. This is not to say that you frequent these motels but road mishaps do happen especially when you are on a hanky-panky business with your paramour! (Such an old-fashioned yet appropriate word, don’t you think?)

What do you tell your wife when the desk clerk calls to return your leather wallet with your initialed business card holder to boot?

* Your car was in an accident and the motel was the nearest accommodation available. Well, it is the truth so you get to tell just half a lie. It is good for your conscience, don’t you think?

* Your buddies surreptitiously got your wallet with the business card holder tucked inside and played a prank on you. This is a good one when your buddies will cover your ass anytime of day, no questions asked, and the desk clerk is incapable of speech and thought. Good luck on the second one.

Strip Clubs/Brothels

Uh-oh. You are in trouble. But have no fear; you can always lay the blame on others, on alcohol, on fate, on the weather and on your wife herself. Here is how:

* You can tell your wife that your buddies dragged you into the club but you just watched the show. Cross your heart and hope to die. (Well, actually you crossed your fingers those girls will take it all off.) At the same time, your buddies are also laying the blame on you so that makes all of you even Steven.

* You got so drunk you were barely aware of where you were, which explains the wayward wallet with the business card holder. You slept through the whole show and your buddies helped you get home, Again, better pray to the gods of men that your buddies will cover up for you anytime, big time!

* You were fated to be there that night. If your wife is a big believer in destiny, then maybe it is your destiny to fool her, too. Maybe.

* You just found cover from a brewing storm inside the club. Is there something wrong in keeping your head safe from lightings? Certainly not!

* This is the ultimate. You can tell your wife it is her fault because either she does not cater to your needs anymore or she is not desirable anymore or that she constantly fights with you and you needed to get off steam. You can always pick a fight and divert the issue, right?

However, something bad can be said about leaving something as identifiable as your business card holder in these places. What on God’s earth were you thinking when you brought your business accessories to these places anyway?

You will not be in trouble now and reading this if you divested yourself of business articles before going on monkey business, will you?

You will not be ashamed to carry around high-quality engraved Zippos and a genuine leather money clip from ExecutiveGiftShoppe.com, even when your business card holder gets lost in the most unlikely of places. Find all these and more at ExecutiveGiftShoppe.com today!

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Disclaimer: This article in no way seeks to diminish the profession of accountants and to elevate the profession of assassins. This is simply a tongue in cheek analysis of leather briefcases as used by accountants and assassins alike. (Remember, you must love your accountant lest you find yourself in trouble with the Internal Revenue Service and you need to love assassins lest you find yourself in trouble with the Bible’s commandment about loving your enemy. Sad but true)

Professional Disparateness

Though you might think that assassins and accountants do the same thing – they can kill you, only in different means and methods – they are very distinct professions with equally distinct characteristics. Here are just two of them:

* Accountants deal with the paperwork and numbers. They lug around voluminous papers that threaten to drown anybody who dares decipher the codes embedded therein and they eat numbers for breakfast, lunch and dinner. And these same papers are miraculously stuffed into the slimmest of leather briefcases!

Assassins deal with the dirty work and revolvers. They lug around killing tools that can be hidden most conveniently inside their coats or the most elegant leather briefcases and they eat souls like the Devil incarnate. Or at least, that is what Hollywood wants us to believe; God forbid you ever cross path with an assassin out to terminate your existence.

* Accountants use the power of the pen and calculator to kill (okay, make that crunch) numbers. And lest you even dare think that you can actually make sense of financial statements without burning the midnight oil (and a few of your functioning brain cells while you are at it), think again. Accountants use them to confuse both you and the Internal Revenue Service. And these financial statements change as fast as you can count your fingers! Drat, there goes your profit reduced by depreciation yet again.

Assassins use the brute power of car bombs, sniper rifles, blades and other weapons

of destruction, plus a timer here and there, to kill numbers. If you cannot make sense of financial statements, you cannot make sense of the killings either.

Professional Similarities

Now, this is the more interesting part. How can two professions – one killing inanimate numbers, the other killing animate numbers – have similarities? If you think hard enough, you will get these:

* Both accountants and assassins have uncommon affinity for leather briefcases. It seems that leather briefcases serve the purpose of organizing files and ammunitions at the same time! Remember the movie “Wanted”?

* Both accountants and assassins must be licensed. The former by appropriate government agencies before they can practice their profession. On the other hand, assassins must be licensed to kill by anybody they like whether borne of their own demented minds, fanatical beliefs and monetary greed.

* And oh yes, both accountants and assassins can kill you. Accountants kill you by spiriting away your money to bogus corporations while assassins kill you by spiriting your soul, or whatever it is that makes us human.

In conclusion, if you suspect your accountant to be an assassin in disguise ready to make an ass out of you, then leather briefcases full of your financial documents could be on your next target, er, agenda.

To find the best personalized card holder and leather money clip, as well as leather briefcases for your chosen profession, go to ExecutiveGiftShoppe.com now!

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